Can you fail at birth My take on what I saw this Caesarean Awareness Month

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As caesarean awareness month draws to a close I have just started reflecting on what, exactly, it has given me this year.


I’ll be honest. I had high expectations for caesarean awareness month. We live in a culture where caesareans are seen as routine and safe and as a lesser deal than having your wisdom teeth taken out. We are in the midst of a caesarean epidemic with rates in most hospitals at least double those recommended by the World Health Organisation. The majority of caesareans are not being performed for actual health reasons, women are being pressured into them by care providers or unsupportive partners and our vbac rate is a joke.





Personally I think that all of this should make for some very robust conversation over the course of caesarean awareness month.


And I’m sure that there were some articles getting shared that covered off these topics.


I didn’t see them.


All I saw were memes and articles telling me that I am brave and strong. Telling me that I “should” feel brave. That I should never feel like I didn’t give birth. That you can’t fail at birth and that there’s no such thing as a “failed vbac”. That I should feel strong because I laid down my life for my baby. It almost feels like a lot of the posts are saying "Oh. You tried your best. Here's your participation ribbon – a label of bravery". I find them condescending and crap.




And here’s the kicker…


I did not have caesareans because I was bravely laying down my life for my baby. I did not have caesareans to save my babies lives. And both of my births involved many failures – some were mine and some were not. Here’s a comment that I posted against an article about how you can’t fail.


“I had caesareans because I failed to choose the best care providers for me.

I had caesareans because I failed to fight for the birth my babies deserved.

I had caesareans because I failed to understand the impact that birth locations would have.

I had caesareans because I failed to keep my baby safe from the care providers who felt that policy was more important than my babies births.


I had caesareans because my care providers failed to provide the care that my baby and I needed to be happy, healthy and whole.


I had caesareans because society fails to see the importance of birth and conditions women to believe that it doesn't matter.


I had caesareans because my partner failed to support me to birth at home. And because he failed to prevent an OB from bullying me - even after he admitted to me that he was not okay with me being bullied.


I read stories everyday of women who have caesareans because it's convenient for their OB. Or because their partner is uncomfortable with VBAC. Or because their hospital decided that they should for no health reasons.


Women don't fail at birth. But that doesn't mean that birth in this country isn't shrouded in failure.”


And I am not alone.




I also didn't lay down my life for my baby. My cesarean was not necessary and was one that was done for convenience for the care providers – Ellie, Qld

There were lots of failures around my caesareans, some of them were mine and I own them.
- Erin, NSW

I had two completely unnecessary c sections. I don't feel brave, I feel stupid. - Erin, Vic.


And a comment that I feel had the potential to be THE FOCUS of the month.

I feel that the bigger issue here is the issue of the lie of obstetrics making us believe that our body is faulty rather than the system... - Caitlin from Qld


When we are told that the reason for our caesarean is because we “failed to progress” or that we have an “inadequate pelvis”; When care providers keep telling us (and we keep telling each other) that "some women just can't birth vaginally no matter how hard they try" how can we NOT believe that we failed? The obstetric patriarchy seems very keen to continue to perpetuate the myth that women do, in fact, fail at birth.


In the end how you feel about your birth is completely unique. I saw many women who really resonated with these memes and articles about bravery and women who found them comforting and useful. That’s awesome. But it’s not the whole story.





It’s okay to feel like you failed. But equally important to remember that just because you failed to achieve your goal or failed to make the choices that would move you to your goal – You are not a failure.


My own failures have served a wonderful purpose. They have motivated me to learn more and to make different choices. I can acknowledge my failings without feeling like I am a failure.


I own my failures – but I don’t become them.



Did you enjoy this blog post? You might also enjoy the following:

{Birth language - Telling it how it REALLY is}

{Elective and Emergency - they don't mean what you think they mean}

{Why Australia NEEDS a maternity care revolution}

{Pregnancy, birth and mental health - Why some women aren't seeking the help they need}

{Obstetric violence - What happened to consent??}

{Birthing Revolution - The fight against cultural conditioning}





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