Home    Subscribe    Contact    Login

What being bullied says about you

by lizzi (follow)
Helping plant the seeds of positive birth. www.sproutbirthing.com.au
I was bullied by my care providers. And suffered from birth trauma.

And if mainstream media is to be believed it was my fault. My expectations were too high. I chose the wrong care provider. I chose the wrong birth location. I didnít educate myself enough. I wasnít strong enough. I didnít realise that sometimes things just go wrong and I just need to be grateful for my healthy baby.

And you know, for a while there I totally agreed. Iíve often said things like ďI let them bully me into doing things I didnít feel were necessaryĒ.

Letís unpack that statement.

I let them bully me?! Seriously. Why on earth would I say that? Iíve taken on responsibility for someone elseís crappy behaviour. It has taken me a long time to get to this point but I would now like to say:

I am not responsible for the poor treatment I received during my pregnancies and births.

It is not my fault that I was bullied and coerced.

I deserved to be treated better.

My babies both deserved to be treated better.

My ďcare providersĒ didnít bully me because Iím a bad mum and Iím not a bad mum because I was bullied. I was bullied because my care providers were bullies.

It is this simple - DON'T BULLY! Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

And because I was bullied, coerced and manipulated I suffered from birth trauma.

What a person thinks of me, says to me and does to me says NOTHING about me! If you bully me, that doesnít make me a victim; the bullied; weak; walked over; or ďbadĒ in any way. It makes you a bully. And thatís it. It really is that simple. So here's the big secret - being bullied says nothing about YOU and a lot about the people doing the bullying.

It took me a long time to feel comfortable saying: How I was treated was not okay. Because a part of me believed that I deserved it. I should have home birthed if I wanted to receive evidence based, woman centred, compassionate care. And a part of me needed to hold onto the myth that it was my fault. Because if I was to blame for the birth trauma that I had suffered, then I had the power to prevent it next time. But I am not responsible for the behaviour of others. My expectations (that I be treated respectfully and be respected as an informed mother capable of making decisions in the best interests of my family) were not unreasonable Ė in fact they are legal rights. I was educated and I was strong. I just lucked out and ended up being treated poorly by people who were supposed to care for me. And is there really anybody lower than those who would bully a pregnant and / or birthing woman?

Pregnant women should be honoured, not bullied. Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

If I could go back I would make some different choices. And for my future births I will make some different choices. Because I know that there ARE some things I can do to help avoid being manipulated and bullied next time. That doesnít mean it was my fault I was bullied. It just means I know who to avoid next time. I know what I need to do to feel safe.

So Ė Birth Trauma: Whoís to blame? Well I can assure that it is not me. And to all the women out there who have suffered from birth trauma I can assure you Ė Itís not you either. The bullying epidemic isnít the fault of those being bullied Ė itís the fault of the bullies.

For more on BULLYING IN BIRTH click here

#Birth Trauma
#Matters of the Heart
I like this Article - 10
More Articles by lizzi
view all articles by lizzi
Articles by lizzi on Other Hubs
ID: 25942
[ Submit a Comment ]
I think using the word "honoured" is a bit over the top. Pregnant women seem so commonplace these days. They are everywhere. I think they should just be respected.
I can't find the word honoured (although it is late!)...however I do use that word a lot about pregnant and birthing mothers. In my capacity as a birth worker I believe that birth deserves to be honoured as does the right of passage of becoming a mother. Yes mothers are very "commonplace", but they are still, in my opinion, the most valuable members of society and deserve to be honoured as such. Just my opinion - Respect definitely works (and I use it a lot!) but doesn't seem to hold the same idea of the sacredness of the rites of passage.
by lizzi
SAHM (1)
Men (1)
Poetry (4)
Health (15)
Fear (1)
Featured on Other Hubs
Copyright 2012-2018 OatLabs ABN 18113479226. mobile version