You’ve had two babies and both times you suffered birth trauma due to a range of experiences and how you were treated. I know that this has caused you a lot of pain and that this will impact on the choices you make when you decide that it’s time to add another little Cheeky Monster to your family. I know how much you love your babies and I know how much you wanted to honour them by honouring yourself. I know how hard you fought. And I know how hard you will fight. Here is some advice and some things to remember when you feel that you are all alone and that hope is fading. Something to keep you going through the negativity you will likely face.
You are capable of making the best decisions for your baby and yourself. You know your body and baby better than anyone else. Your instincts are not faulty and will guide you where you need to go.
You KNOW your baby. Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
You deserve evidence based, woman led care. Seek it out. Look to the corners of the earth if needs be. Ask for help to find it. You won’t regret it.
You deserve respect for your abilities and responsibilities as a mother. You are a strong and powerful woman and NO-ONE loves your children as much as you. If anyone tries to tell you they care more for your babies than you: Tell them where to go. And don’t be so bloody nice about it this time.
You deserve to be loved. You deserve to have your back rubbed every night. You deserve help putting your undies on. You’re growing a new human being with your own body – it’s hard work!
It’s okay to not feel awesome all the time. You can acknowledge that you feel like crap. You are worthy of the time and money needed to find therapies that make you feel better. As above: You’re growing a new human being – that’s tough on the body!
If strangers comment on your tummy size or gestation length feel free to give them an education they won’t forget in a hurry. Some people just don’t get it, and they never will if someone doesn’t tell them. It might save another woman the heartbreak of being told she looks “huge” or that “I can’t believe they haven’t induced you yet. Is that even safe?”
Pre-labour is shit. It always has been and always will be. Do whatever you need to do to get through it. Ignore it as much as possible. Don’t believe anyone who says you’ll likely be “having that baby sooner rather than later”. What the hell would they know?!
You don’t need to try home induction – you won’t be pregnant forever. Natural induction is a total oxymoron anyway. Your baby knows what s/he’s doing. They don’t hang about inside just for fun! They are doing important work.
Your body is PERFECT. You don’t need to *DO* anything to make your body or the pregnancy and birth process “better”.
Repeat after me: My body knows how and my baby knows when. We are the perfect birth team.
(This is adapted from a quote I read a while back - I think the credit belongs to Carla Hartley. Please feel free to let me know if you know!!)
People will question your choices and decisions. Regardless of what those choices are. You don’t owe anyone any explanation. Shut out their voices and find your own. Your voice should always be the most powerful in the birthing room…no matter how quietly you speak. If it’s not please feel free to tell others to shut the hell up. Again – don’t be nice about it.
You are knowledgeable. You are strong. You are powerful. You are woman and mother. Part of a never ending and very mysterious circle of life.
No matter what anyone else says always remember: You rock!
Lots of love and best wishes from Me, before I was you.