Growing up I used to hear many women speak of their births as just another day in their life. That it didn't matter to them how their babies were born, because they are alive and, well and so are their babies.
5 years ago my first child was born by an emergency caesarean section. After problems in pregnancy I was scheduled for induction and with failure to progress I needed surgery. I was alive and so was my beautiful baby, but why did I feel so sad about what had happened? I thought it shouldn't matter to me how my baby was born? Why does it matter to me?
We took our baby home from hospital and started our life as a family of three. Immediately I knew something wasn't right. Whenever I looked at the flowers teddies and gifts given to me by my partner friends and family it made me want to cry, made me feel sick, and gave me a horrible gut wrenching feeling in my stomach? Surely this was just the "baby blues" I heard people speak about? It didn't go away.
image courtesy of anniebrook.com
5 years later it still hasn't gone away. Yes, I am much less triggered nowadays, but the pain is still there. I adore my son. He has turned into the most beautiful little boy that I am so proud of. We have an incredible bond..but I hate the way he was born. The way it made me feel. It's not his fault and I do not blame him.
image courtesy of telegraph.co.uk
For years I wished every day the way we first met could of been happier, gentle and in a calmer environment..but I can't change it..and I am at peace with the birth of my son now. It still hurts and I some days feel more triggered than others but I have accepted that what happened, happened and I cannot change it. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE GOT OVER IT, PEOPLE!! I still hurt, I still get upset. 'Oh I'm glad you have got over it now, it doesn't matter anymore' YES IT DOES! How I met my son for the first time does matter to me!! It affected our bonding and how I was as a mother for the first year of his life. I was down, depressed, sad and anxious for the majority of that time and it made me so angry I wasn't 100% the best mum I could be to him during that year.
Why are we told our births don't matter? Why are women expected to be 'fine' after a traumatic birth? Post Natal Depression is looked upon as a serious issue, which of course, it is serious, but why is Birth Trauma treated so differently?
The way we view this needs to change! Birth Trauma should be in the same category as Post Natal Depression.. no one expects a parent with PND to just snap out of because they have their life and a healthy baby, they can not just "get over" it. BIRTH TRAUMA IS THE SAME!!
A mother should never be made to feel like she should just get over it, there is help out there. This will not just go away, even if you pray, wish, beg for it to. Your feelings are valid, you are not being silly, you are not making it up, you are experiencing Birth Trauma and there are ways to get through it, do not hide in the darkness.
Thank you for sharing Fiona. Birth trauma is very real and many women experience post traumatic stress and accompanying anxiety and depression that can last a lifetime unless these emotions and memories have been released in a safe way. I work with many women to clear triggers, painful memories and trapped emotions and it is always so beautiful to see the change in women when the pain of the past is truly let go. With EFT this can be a simple process that empowers women with a tool that releases trauma rapidly. I work with women in person in Melbourne's east or via Skype. www.chrysaliswellbeing.com.au Best wishes for your healing, Chrissy.