Freaky Friday number 1

by lizzi (follow)

Parenting (11)     

Most people I know hate Mondays. You know…heading off to work after a weekend of relaxing. And they love Fridays – the anticipation of the weekend to come is awesome. Me…I’m the opposite. Mondays are okay for me. And, after 2 bad Fridays in a row, I’m convinced that Fridays are cursed. There is not enough coffee, or wine, in the world to help me get through.

This particular day started off alright…I guess. The dude (17 months) and I got out of bed at about 7. Which I’m sure sounds awesome…and it would be if I hadn’t been awake most of the night. My partner brought the dude into our bed at some time. I refuse to look at the time when I wake during the night these days…it’s just too depressing.* So we boobed for most of the night to make up for the boob he missed out on while he was at daycare. So while we got out of bed at 7ish that’s not when we awoke.

The dude seemed to be in a good mood so he played while I made my coffee. Then he poo’d. He doesn’t ever seem to poo when in bed – he gets up and poos. Which seems kinda smart really. So pooey nappy changed I start preparing everyone’s breakfast. Milo cereal for the kids (don’t judge me!) and gluten free muesli and coffee for me. Ms 3 comes out from her room at about 8ish and we all have breakfast together while I check messages on my phone.

I let the kids know what the plan is for today, but that I have to go out to the study and do some work first. So I ask them nicely to please play together quietly for 10 minutes while I do my work. They sort of do…But I pretty quickly have to go back inside due to the screams of “NO little dude that’s mine” and the little dude’s screeched reply of “Waaaaaah – MINE!”

I then decide that I really do need a shower – because it’s HOT up here now and I already smell. So I hop in the shower…and hop out 10 seconds later to put the little dude back on the floor after he climbed on the toilet. And repeat. Several times. I firmly put the little dude on the floor and tell him “bad”. Ms 3 comes over and gives him a big hug and me stern lecture. “He’s NOT bad. You’re bad mummy. Stop telling my friend that he’s bad!” Well…please tell your friend to stop climbing on the freaking toilet!

We make it out of the house and decide to hit the shops. We get milkshakes and lunch. Then we have a look through the shops and get some groceries. I try to drag it all out a bit in the hopes that the kids will get tired and will sleep in the car on the way home. We go for a bit of a drive and the dude falls asleep…and Ms 3 whinges every 3 seconds – “I want to go to my big house. I don’t want to go for a drive. I don’t want to go to sleep. I want to go home”.

So we get home and I get the groceries in. And then I get Ms 3 in. And then the little dude wakes up. I race to his room and sit down and shove a boob in his mouth in the hopes that he’ll go back to sleep. But Ms 3 has decided that the little dude wants to play with her. So no-one has napped (I don’t count 20mins sleep in the car as a nap). But everyone is tired. So I put a movie on and the children sit quietly in the lounge room. I get the washing together and sit it out back ready to hang up and open up the study and get a few things happening. I hear some noise from inside that would indicate that all is not going as well as anticipated. Both my children have green stuff all over them. My first thought is paint. My second thought is some sort of poison. I scream a bit and finally Ms 3 tells me they got it from daddy’s study. So I go in there and find that daddy’s computer screens are also painted green. I scream a bit more. Find some wipes and clean up. Tell Ms 3 that she is to stay in her room. Scream a bit more and say fuck a lot.



I then discover that the dude, otherwise known as “monkey boy” can climb on the stereo. The stereo is situated on top of a TV cabinet. To get up he climbs on the speakers sitting beside the cabinet. Up onto the cabinet. Then onto the stereo. The purpose of this was so he could get the phone and ring his friends on Neptune…don’t want to know what that calls gonna cost! I say fuck a bit more as I discover that putting a few chairs in the way isn’t going to deter my little man on a mission.

I decide, rather foolishly, to hang out the washing. I sit the basket where I usually do on the ground and the dude decides to help me. The pavers and stones around the washing line are so hot that they burn his little feet (and mine too!). So he walks out, screams, I put him back in the shade, he waits a minute and walks back out onto the hot pavers…and repeat a few times before I decide that “fuck it hanging out the washing is a dumb idea anyway”. I put the basket up on the BBQ where little people can’t get it and put the clean clothes into the sandpit.

At around 5ish I get myself a wine. At some point my partner comes home and I tell that Friday’s suck and I refuse to allow them anymore. But, guess what? Freaky Friday number 2 will be up soon…





#Parenting

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