My partner and I want to start trying to conceive soon…but not yet. So when my period was a day late I had a little freak. I shared my freak out in my community group – because they are awesome and were able to answer my question about when would my guess date be.
Conception. Image courtesy of Pixabay.
And then started the “just do a test and put us all out of our misery” comments. They were mostly more respectful than that…but people were keen to know.
And I wasn’t.
It’s no secret that I’m a control freak and a planner.
Which can be a good thing. Despite not wanting to be pregnant for a few months yet I already have an appointment lined up with a local midwife. I want to know what ALL my possible options are, am willing to get creative with what I do and don’t want to miss out on an option simply due to not being organised early enough. It has been a bit of a flurry of activity since I decided that pregnancy is on the cards for me before the end of the year (all going well, of course).
But there is a time for doing and a time for being.
Yes I could have pee’d on a stick yesterday and had some certainty. But as a control freak planner, as soon as I KNOW I would want to DO. And what the bloody hell was I going to actually do on a Sunday?
I feel like there has been a big lesson in this for me. And for once I was ready to learn.
I have an affirmation that I like to use in my business life:
I serve my clients with love and integrity. I receive with gratitude.
As I was exploring the idea that the universe would ensure that I received the outcome that was required for me to continue to grow and learn and be the version of myself that I need to be, I started wondering about what I was giving the universe in return. How was I serving the universe, God, my higher self or whatever you like to call that force that holds the fabric of creation together?
I started journaling a little and was exploring what was missing in my previous pregnancies / birth journeys. And here’s what was missing: Being. Trusting. Letting go. Surrender.
There are some good reasons for those things to have been missing in my previous journeys. And some very compelling reasons why I might need to explore ways to bring them into my life for my next journey.
Pregnancy test. Image courtesy of Pixabay.
If I plan to freebirth (one potential option) there will be many times during my pregnancy where I simply won’t be able to DO anything. Where doing will not be the preferred action and simply being and surrendering will be necessary.
And the universe, knowing my trouble with this, has sent me the opportunity to practice being. A chance to sit with the infinite possibilities and promises that this moment has to offer. A chance to surrender to whatever will be.